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As much as I like reading Allure for the pretty pictures, I'll have to disagree with their self-proclaimed title of "The Beauty Expert."

Some of the "advice" I read in there is just laughably absurd. For example, in this month's issue, it says not to wash off your mascara or eyeliner to give a sexy, dirty look.

Um, ew. WTF?

Yes, that filthy tramp look is so sexy right now. So are eye infections and mascara-stained pillowcases.

I also think it's an absolute shame that they put a blonde wig on Liv Tyler. They couldn't handle a completely real, stunningly beautiful, pale, haunting brunette. They had to cover her in bronzer and put her in a blonde wig and a bikini. Go conformity! Totally disgusting. Is that the message they're trying to send to readers?

Another thing that bothers me is Linda Wells. In every letter from the editor she writes, she always seems to belittle and insult some group of the population in an underhanded way. Drives me up the wall. So snobby.

I don't hate Allure. On the contrary, I actually prefer it over 99% of the magazines out there. I've won a few of their contests. I like the pictures. Most of the articles are fluff, or meant for the beauty-retarded but every now and then there will be a good one. There was an article with Karl Bradl about choosing fragrance as gifts not too long ago.

What I do really appreciate about Allure is the (almost) absent sex advice. It seems like every other magazine out there has the message of, "If you're not banging random bar guys every night, then you aren't a beautiful modern woman. Buy this makeup and these clothes and every guy will want to do you and then you'll be part of humanity. If you're in a monogamous relationship then you're an ugly, prudish freak of nature and a closed-minded bigot."

I don't want to get into the politics of it all, but I applaud Allure for not advertising the "Women are worthless without a man" message that all other magazines seem to push on everyone. I just wish they were more broad in their definition of beauty (tan, blue-eyed blonde waifs).

Aaaaaaanyway....

That picture of Kelly Rowland (whoever the hell that is...) on the Xanga homepage is terrifying. I can't tell if she's a mannequin, a corpse or a dead drag queen. That makeup is atrocious and the photoshopping is so blatantly obvious, it's making me laugh. Maybe she swallowed a uranium rod (insert Beavis laugh here) and the eerie glow is a side effect of the radiation.