Stay Away From Mary Kay (Seriously.)

I'm back! Man, it's really good to be home. I never thought of my self as a snobby "city girl" until staying a week in the country... It's so good to be back in a mold-free bathroom. I can finally feel clean after showering again!


I had an epiphany. I attended a (don't laugh) Mary Kay party last night. Now, I have to be nice because a very good friend of mine had asked me to go, and who am I to turn down a chance to play makeup? But, good golly, it was like Makeup for Retards, 101. I wanted to stab my eye out with the disposable sponge-tip applicator.

It wasn't just the sub-par quality of the products, the indoctrination or the identical look everyone was wearing. It was the whole experience. This is where the epiphany part happens.

These girls, really I love them to death, it's just so sad that they cling to this terrible product for no reason other than it's the first/only brand they've been introduced to! I think the reason more women don't wear makeup more often is because of some of the crappy product they grew up using. I mean, based on my experience at this party, I can see that happening. I was handed poor quality products shaved onto a palette, no tools other than sponge-tip applicators, no proper lighting or instruction on how to make the makeup flatter and enhance your looks.... No nothing! Just scrape, apply, look like crap, then have the kooky lady insist that you'll make $80k a month being a Mary Kay consultant and you'll drive a pink Cadillac and live happily ever after.

I came in with my full face of MAC and the like, which I suppose can be a little startling, I'll admit, heh. I didn't know we would be applying makeup. I thought it was kind of like a tupperware party. Pass around the catalog, order junk and the hostess gets a nice bonus.

I was wearing a slightly over the top look. I was feeling festive. Copper Sparkle and bronze, loaded with Make Up For Ever diamond powder, black eyeliner and my usual metric ton of mascara. My face was covered in glitter a little bit, but that wasn't intentional. I found this cool spray at Bath and Body Works, it's like scented aerosol glitter. It's like super glitter explosion times ten. I tried to put some in my hair- one little spritz- and it covered my entire bathroom, head and body in glitter. I think I even inhaled it.... I'm gonna get the glitter lung... Anyway, getting off topic...

I'm instructed to take off my makeup. After a little hesitation I do so. We cleanse with a little blob of cleanser and remove it with a baby wipe... eeew. I put on some serum and moisturizer, eye cream and a lip mask. All over sticky baby wipe residue... eeww. We then apply some crappy yellow concealer, which is the wrong shade for everyone, and then some cakey orange foundation. We then apply orange powder with a cotton ball, and orange bronzer (also with a cotton ball.) We looked like the 80's.

We then move on to eyeshadow. My color scheme was plums. Cool, I rock the purples like nobody's business, I can handle putting it on with a sponge... Or so I thought. We go directly to applying eyeshadow without an eyeshadow base. So, my light purple shade ended up being translucent grey. We then apply the medium shade to the crease. Mine ended up being slightly darker translucent grey. Then we were to apply the darkest shade "in a triangle" with a sponge. Mine was kinda sparkly translucent grey. Hmm. Mary Kay lady also seemed to have missed the class on blending.

We get eyeliner and mascara samples and apply them. I look around and the other lovely ladies have the dreaded eyeliner gap- where there's skin clearly visible between the lashline and the liner itself. The Mary Kay lady has this also. Apparently this is an acceptable look in the Mary Kay world.

I am embarrassed to admit it, but my makeup looked like crap. My face was orange, my skin looked dry, my eyeshadow looked like garbage and I was wearing brown lipstick. I can't imagine many ladies being very excited about wearing makeup if they thought they would end up looking like this. Hell, if this was my only experience with cosmetics, I wouldn't wear it either! Though, I wouldn't know that there was anything better out there either, and maybe I would settle. I think that's it. These girls have never been in a Sephora, never heard of MAC, never have felt the giddiness of walking into a room full of sparkling little jars and tubes and pots and palettes.

That makes me a little sad. There's just so much fun waiting to happen with makeup. Playing with different looks and colors and textures, different scents and all that fun stuff. Maybe some women see it as a necessary evil. They wear it because they have to, same look day in and day out, without any joy in it. Makeup is not permanent! It's not like cutting your hair or getting plastic surgery or buying am expensive new outfit. It's a way to change your look instantly, and if you don't like the way it turns out, just remove it.

I know I'm a little bit crazy, a bit too obsessed and even a little bit fanatical... But really, there's a lot of fun to be had in it, and there are much better results to be experienced. Even I get stuck in a rut at times, but if you're willing to branch out, there's a lot of enjoyment to be had in this simple everyday 'chore'.

All that being said, I did end up buying some hand lotion. I wasn't gonna be a total bitch. Even if the makeup sucks, Mary Kay does make some nice lotion. Mary Kay Satin Hands kit... I've been using it for years and I would definitely recommend it.